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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29203470">With Heart Laid Bare</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantsaber/pseuds/radiantsaber'>radiantsaber</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bound By Threads of Light [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XIV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, M/M, Shadowbringers Spoilers, implied WoL/Minfilia and WoL/Ysayle but it's blink and you miss it, more heavily implied WoL/Y'shtola, my WoL has a crush on too many girls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:42:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29203470</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantsaber/pseuds/radiantsaber</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Somehow, when she had laughed enough, drank enough, sang enough, she felt like she was back in the Waking Sands with the rest of her friends, her second family. Like all else was forgotten.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Urianger Augurelt &amp; Warrior of Light, Urianger Augurelt/Thancred Waters, Warrior of Light &amp; Thancred Waters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bound By Threads of Light [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>With Heart Laid Bare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello again, with another first from me, haha. i recently got super invested in FFXIV and it's been the source of my inspiration for the last several months. this is my first time writing for this series so hopefully i did decently enough!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Crystarium is alive with celebration.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A feast is held following the successful return of the Exarch with the Scions in tow. It was a sight to behold. Once again, U'luxia, the Warrior of Light, had proven herself to be more than what she seems, outdoing herself yet again. Make no promises that can't be kept, but do what needs to be done. And did she ever make it so.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And as she approached the residents of the Crystal Tower with none other than G'raha Tia at her side, as she watches the crowd cheer so loud that they could be heard from miles away, as she watched him turn and smile at her with such an open and honest expression of admiration that it made her heart clench...she couldn't help but be reminded of all the things that hung from her shoulders like chains dragging like a cloak. The weight of the worlds, of people, of </span>
  <em>
    <span>gods</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Being given such a role had meant that there was very little time for any sort of merriment or relaxation, no idling about until the end of the day when she could finally collapse in bed when the universe allowed her a moment of respite. It made her cling to those fleeting moments when she could, made her try to savor them as long as she was able.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And right now...right now was something she had, foolishly, like a wide-eyed child beholding the starlit skies of Gridania for the first time, wished that it would never end. She took it, grabbed by the neck of a bottle, and all but drowned herself in it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had never felt so alive and relieved, like the weight of the metaphorical chainmail cloak had been discarded from her shoulders and dropped to the floor. She was among loved ones, and she was going to enjoy it in its entirety before waking the next day to reality.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Scions, among some of the Crystarium residents, hovered around her as though they were a little afraid that she may have had too much to drink, but thus far she had proven to be well enough to stay on both of her feet and not stumble when she danced. Mostly. There was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>little</span>
  </em>
  <span> stumbling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Somehow, when she had laughed enough, drank enough, sang enough, she felt like she was back in the Waking Sands with the rest of her friends, her second family. Like all else was forgotten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She dragged Alisaie and Alphinaud into her merrymaking first; for all his posturing of being a sophisticated adult, Alphinaud couldn’t dance to save his life, the poor boy. He wrangled himself free and fled into the crowd, leaving Alisaie to suffer the miqo’s attempts at waltzing. For all her snarking and insults, she didn’t try to fight U’luxia and eventually found herself trying to not to laugh at the clumsy way they danced together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y’shtola had no complaints when U’luxia gingerly took her hand and placed another at her hip to lead her through the crowd as gracefully as she could. It was not as successful an attempt as she would have liked, spending more time trying not to step on Y’shtola’s feet. Waltzing was on the complete opposite side of her forte, despite the brief reprieve she had during her time in Ishgard and was allowed the casual company of Ser Aymeric. Were it in any other scenario she might have been a lot more embarrassed, but the bare entertainment on Y’shtola’s face told her that maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you don’t need your sight to tell how much I’m scuttling about like a crab.” She says, and gods, it made Y’shtola laugh so heartily that U’luxia called it a personal victory, cherishing the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled. Such a sight always made her blush intensely, and she wondered if her fellow miqo could see it or sense it, in the way her laughter sent joy coursing through her veins.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually she and Thancred found each other, and he looked as though he had followed her in drinking enough to ensure he wouldn’t remember making a fool of himself come the morrow. She hadn’t thought he would take up the offer to indulge in their revelry, but he surprised her. The way he smiled at her could have swept her off her feet, and when he laughed it was like bells in her ears. She linked her arm with his and they danced away like they would back in the bustling pub in Limsa Lominsa. It had been so, so long since she had seen him like this and it made her feel light as a feather, like their shared grief of Minfilia had been washed away for only this moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And sweet, sweet Ryne, hesitant around her as always, nearly refused to dance as politely as she could. But with enough coaxing, they were on the floor, and they were spinning and giggling. She hears Ryne utter "I've never done this before!" through a breathless laugh, smile as wide as she'd ever seen it, and U'luxia feels her chest clench and an ache nearly settles within her before she stomps it out, refusing to let sorrow claim her during such a joyous occasion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Ryne says she needs to rest, U'luxia's attention is now diverted to looking for two others: Urianger and the Exarch. She spots G'raha not too far away, but he is, as usual, accompanied by Lyna and seems to be locked in conversation with several residents.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Urianger, on the other hand, she cannot find anywhere in the crowd. She squints and begins to weave through the other residents in an attempt to find him, briefly curses inwardly at being so damn short.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Surprisingly, it doesn't take her long to find the elezen: from a distance she spots a body sitting on the set of stairs just across the courtyard from the bar. He isn't as far away as she thought, but well out of sight for anyone not intentionally looking for him. And she assumes he meant to keep it that way; as soon as she realizes they've made eye contact, he looks away and sits upright.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U'luxia is unsure of why he settled all the way out of sight, but she makes her way towards him nonetheless. As she approaches, she notices that he has his own wine glass in his hands and there are a couple bottles on the step next to him. She raises both of her brows and puts her hands on her hips, looking up at him from the base of the stairs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“U’luxia,” he greets her with a nod. She can see a faint flush on his cheeks, from the alcohol most likely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well," she begins, taking the last few steps up to him, "tonight is a night of firsts indeed. I never thought of you as the type to drink alone, much less at all."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We are all of us full of surprises," he replies with a tilt of the head. He is further away from the lamplights from the Wandering Steps, casting most of him in a faint shadow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Aye, we are. No reason to join your fellow Scions in the merriment, then?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"For the time being, aye. I do not generally partake of boisterous celebrations as such. And I believe," he looks past her, assumingly over to the crowd, "that for the time being, 'twould be more beneficial that I remain at a distance, lest the merriment be soured."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Soured?" She squints at him harder, genuinely confused. Then, she remembers. The thought almost sobers her too quickly. "...oh. Urianger…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thou shouldst return to them. I believe the Exarch is finally freed of Lyna’s fretting company.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia is making her way up the last couple of steps towards the elezen so that she can sit next to him on the stairs. “Or...I could sit here with you and give my legs a rest. I’m gettin’ just a little bit dizzy.” She chuckles, and he gives her a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If that is thy desire,” he says as he lifts his glass to his lips and downs the rest of his drink in one gulp. U’luxia raises her brows at him. She’s never seen him touch any sort of alcohol, and couldn’t imagine him as anything other than a lightweight. “Alas, mine company will be less than jovial compared to the throngs over yonder.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what?” She watches him reach for one of the bottles and lifts it to pour, until she easily plucks it out of his hand and watches him give her a look, she simply grins back at him. “I want to spend time with my friends, and you’re all the way over here in the shadows all by your lonesome, hoarding wine.” She takes the bottle in hand and tips her head back, finishing off the remaining contents. Urianger looks at her flatly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sets the bottle aside and leans back on the step behind her, gesturing to the others. “You’ve two more. I assume you had the first one by yourself.” At his hesitant expression, she lifts another bottle off the step and picks up the corkscrew to open it. “We can share the next one. How about it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Urianger sighs and holds his glass out for her to fill, shakes his head. “Given thy persistence, I presume that thou dost not intend to leave me to mine own devices.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You hath assumed correctly.” She drawls, popping the cork from the bottle and leaning up just enough to fill Urianger’s glass. She doesn’t have a cup of her own and thus, resorts to taking a swig from the bottle itself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stays leaned back on an elbow, wine in hand, as they watch the crowd below. A few moments of silence pass before she speaks up again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do this, y’know,” she swirls the bottle in her hand. “I know you’re feelin’ guilty. You got no other reason to be hiding up here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Tis only respectful to distance thyself from those he hath repeatedly betrayed. I am undeserving, to partake of the celebration with comrades—“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not this again—“ U’luxia grumbles and uses her free hand to knock her knuckles against Urianger’s knee. He lifts his glass away from her lest he spill it, and looks down at her, brows knit together and disgruntled. “I told you already, didn’t I? I forgive you. I don’t hate you, and I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>quite</span>
  </em>
  <span> glad to have you here. So enough of that wallowing, and share this drink with me, if you’re so insistent on not joinin’ the others.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia sees his shoulders relax, looking at her with something akin to fond exasperation. She can tell that he still wants to object, and so she flattens her ears and wiggles her head at him, daring him to try and talk back to her. She means it to look goofy while also being aware that both of them know if he resists, she’ll persist until he relents. She knows she’s won when she spies a small quirk of the lips as he lifts his glass to hide the smile. Smugly, she tips her chin up and looks away, leans back onto the stair behind her again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The silence doesn’t last long. "...is that the only reason you're over here, and not with us?" U’luxia asks gently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Urianger doesn't respond for a moment, but she can hear him fidgeting with his glass, can hear the way he shifts uncomfortably. When he takes too long to respond, she turns her head to look up at him. There are times she can't read him, not being one as expressive as the others are. But when he lets something slip, it's definitely noticeable. Urianger Augurelt, not wanting to speak, for once? It’s definitely a surprise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...you can talk to me, you know. You enjoy it so much, I think you forget that it's all right to also talk about other things on your mind. Things that don’t circle around the weight of the world." She tells him this softly. She doesn't consider herself to be good with these sorts of talks, but she knows what it's like to keep everything pent up to the point of boiling over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I—“ a pause. "It is...difficult, to erase the guilt of the wrongs one hath wrought. It…" he pauses again. She hasn't ever seen him struggle to speak like this, and imagines it’s a mixture of the muddled mind from alcohol. "All too aware am I that thou hath forgiven me, or...thou claimeth  so. However, the regret, the shame, still clings to mine mind like a parasite. I cannot forget. I am unsure that I could yet forgive myself, even now. Not yet."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U'luxia sits upright more to look at him better. Hearing him talk like this has forced her mind back into some clarity. He dips his head only a little, but his hair covers most of his face from sight. She thinks it's so that he can't look at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...T'was also a mercy, I thought to grant thee. To spare thee of mine presence as much as could be done. Until coming to the First." He reaches up to rub tiredly at his forehead. "For Thancred, as well."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U'luxia slow blinks at him until it clicks in her head. "Because of Minfilia. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Our</span>
  </em>
  <span> Minfilia."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods. "Aye."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thinks on this for a moment. She would be lying if she said it didn't still sting, even now, even after so long. It probably always will, if she's honest with herself. But even so…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know," she looks away from him and leans back on the step, "I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> hate you. For a little while." She begins idly picking at the skin around her nails on one hand—an anxious tic that only Urianger had ever noticed. She knew he knew it, too. She wonders if Thancred knows of it too, keen eye and all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I presumed thee still felt so."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shakes her head. "For a time, I did. Now, though, not so much. You’re not some evil mastermind. At least, you’d better not be.” She snickers to herself. “No matter what you tell yourself, rest assured that I am still your friend and comrade.” When she turns to look at him, his glass is empty once more and he holds his head up with his fingers. "What I felt then was different than how I feel now. If I didn’t want to be around you, I wouldn’t be pestering you right now."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The look on Urianger's face tells her that part of him still doesn't believe her, or won't </span>
  <em>
    <span>let</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, rather. She can see it in his eyes, the crease of his brow. "...thou bearest a kind heart." He murmurs. The sentence gives U'luxia a metaphorical sweep of the legs and she blinks at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's not—ah…" she looks away from him, the blush on her face no longer coming from the alcohol and laughs awkwardly. She was never good at accepting compliments. "You have such a way of embarrassing me, sometimes. Everyone does."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"T'was not mine intention, though regardless, it is true.” He doesn’t look at her as he continues. “Ever have we watched thee bear witness to many a tragedy, carrying enough scars to chart a map and struggling under the weight of the losses and grief of two worlds. To have thee return to us, with head held high and a gentleness thought long forgotten still lingering in thine heart, is truly a blessing."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Twelve send me—“ U'luxia shoves his leg again and turns away from him, absolutely certain that her face is on fire. Her ears are flattened and tail swishes slightly as it does when she is irritated, but she is not that, right now. "You make me sound like some kind of saint." Since the beginning she has never been fond of the title the world now knows her as. Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>two</span>
  </em>
  <span> worlds at this point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nay," Urianger says, as he weaves his long arm around in front of her and manages to steal back the wine bottle from her to pour himself another glass. She looks at him, offended. "I merely observe. As I always have. Thou praiseth others of their positive traits and good deeds alike, yet thou art swift to deny the claims when spoken about thee in turn."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know somethin’, I think you've had quite enough of that wine. You're startin’ to talk too much, again." She pouts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Surprisingly, she sees a hint of a smile on his face. At that, she raises a hand to his knee and squeezes it comfortingly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Truly, though…I harbor no ill feelings towards you, not anymore." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I shall endeavor to trust thee, as thou hath done for me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiles at him then and nods. "Will you still stay here, then, and not join us?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She watches him work his jaw slightly, pondering the offer. "...Aye. For now. Despite thine words, I am still hesitant to make myself present. If only for a time." He shifts a foot, looking towards the bar once more. He looks doubly nervous now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U'luxia tilts her head in confusion. She follows his gaze to the bar, squinting. It looks as though the others have moved on to sit at a table, leaving Thancred at the bar by himself. Well, not completely. He has two lovely looking women—a miqo’te and an elezen—sitting on either side of him, laughing at something he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You don't think they're that bad off, do you?" She glances between Thancred and the Scions at their own table with three seats empty. Her mind is trying to tie something together. "I know Y'shtola had words with you about keeping secrets but I don't think they—oh." she blinks again, eyes landing on the gunbreaker at the bar. All thoughts come to an abrupt halt. She turns to look back at Urianger carefully. "...Is it Thancred?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whether it's from the alcohol mudding his senses or the fact that he's been caught, he doesn't hide his reaction very well. Perhaps she is reaching too far for the missing pieces, but given their history and the way they've interacted, the way things are now…she has a feeling she doesn't need to reach </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> far. And without his usual cowl and goggles to hide behind, she can see all of him laid bare and vulnerable in the glow of the lamplight. Similar to how he looked at her earlier: there is regret and shame. Her hand is still on his leg, when she moves it to gently grasp one of his wrists to force him to look at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uri. Hey." She says softly. She all but scoots next to him, bundled up at his side as she leans in to try and look him in the eye. "Thancred—you can't possibly think he hates you? Even when I wanted to keep my distance from you back then, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> still reached out to you. I might not know how he really feels but I can assure you that if he truly felt so, he would not suffer your presence for so long."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fully do I appreciate thine efforts to alleviate mine woes, however—there are...ah…" he sighs and rubs his temple once more, looking away from her again. Something in her mind tells her the blush is no longer from the alcohol either. "There are...complications, that prevent me from stepping forth."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Like what?" She asks. He is pointedly looking away from her now. "...Urianger."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She watches him work his jaw again, trying to think of what to say. Urianger Augurelt, suddenly bereft of words yet again? What could possibly have rendered him to be so withdrawn? She glances back to the bar. Where a certain gunbreaker is still chatting up those two very lovely women. It doesn't look abnormal for Thancred to be in such company, though she can't help but wonder. She raises a brow, turns her attention back to the silent figure next to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s had suspicions since they arrived in the First, but whether or not they ring true remains to be seen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Interesting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I thought he was too busy upholding the duty of being a guardian to seek a full bed for the night?" She says with a smirk. Urianger...does not seem to share it. He scoffs, a barely noticeable huff through the nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That was then," he says, dodging her question easily, "thou art aware of Thancred's habits." At that, he finishes the remaining wine in his glass, but does not hold it up for more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ah. The clip in his voice does not go unnoticed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, but…" her brows knit together. "You two just...I don't know. Maybe I read it wrong. I thought—?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"U'luxia—"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them seem to be caught, not sure of what to say next. Urianger is radiating anxiousness, it's spelled in all of him for how tense he's become. For a moment she's worried she offended him, but the way he can't seem to look at her tells her something else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slow blinks at him. "...Do you have feelings for Thancred?" She finally blurts. Ever tactful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And—ah, there it was. The sharp turn of the head, the look of surprise in golden eyes. Urianger is so expressive without those ridiculous goggles covering his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Pardon?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"'Tis a simple question. Do you have feelings for Thancred?" She tilts her head, leveling a look at him. "You know. The man at the bar, the one you've clearly been staring at when you look over yonder." Where others had a way of embarrassing her, she had a way of cornering them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I—“ He fumbles to offer a definite answer. There is no swift denial.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Incredible. She can't believe it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn't say anything while he stares into his empty wine glass and waits for him to gather his thoughts. She does, however, gently squeeze his wrist for comfort, tries to let him know through that that she isn't going to laugh at him or insult him. When he finally looks at her, he looks defeated, and sighs quietly before nodding an affirmative.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Aye." Is all he offers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looks back to the bar once more. Thancred is clearly enjoying himself, as are the rest of the Scions in their own corner. Unaware of where she and Urianger have disappeared to. She isn't really quite sure what to offer to him, what to say that could...do what, exactly? She has never been proficient in matters of the heart. The two women she genuinely loved were gone. All she has now are memories of light and ice. Once was enough, two was more than she could bear. She would not do it again. Not anytime soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So what, in the world, could she possibly say to comfort her friend on such a subject?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"'Tis not something to burden thyself with—" he begins, but U'luxia cuts him off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm—I won’t lie, I already thought you two were a pair and just didn't want to announce it." She blurts again, mostly to cut off that ridiculous insistence on keeping things bottled up, but it wasn’t entirely a lie either. Urianger shifts next to her once more; he looks as though a vice was placed around his heart and part of her regrets saying it out loud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ah...I have felt this way for quite some time." He says slowly, hesitantly. "Back when we were youths, when...my dearest Moenbryda still walked with us. Thou knowest I harbored affections for her, as did Thancred. I felt a similar fondness for him, but did not pursue it at the time. ‘Twas not as though I had the time to spend pondering such thoughts, and thus wrote it off as nothing more than a strong bond of friendship.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U'luxia hums. She squeezes his hand. He returns the gesture even though he seems far away. "That long, huh?" She looks at him, can see the melancholy in his eyes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Enough of that,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thinks. She does not want him to continue walking this path of self deprecation. "And what does he make you feel now?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thinks that he might not answer her, or try to dismiss it as something not to bother with. But she sees the minute changes in his face, how it seems like he has been holding onto his next words for far too long and has wanted to let them out so that they would not choke him anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love.” He begins simply, so certain and a lack of hesitation that surprised her, and the look in his eyes changes to something else. “In its entirety. A wholeness that I thought to be lost with my Moon, when it was ripped from mine night sky and I, left alone amongst the stars. I had all but forgotten to search for the rising sun, and when it shone its warmth upon me, I was too helpless a fool to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> yearn for its embrace with each passing day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U'luxia can do nothing but gape at him. She is aware that the elezen has an affinity for waxing poetic and painting pictures with words, but to hear it directed at another individual in such a bare devoted way, she almost felt embarrassed. There was a light blush on her face from the honesty of it all, she didn’t expect him to explain how he felt in such fullness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow,” is what she manages to say after some time, “you’ve got it </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad.”  Urianger momentarily startles with the barest flinch, but she squeezes his hand again to reassure him. “Hey, it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad that you need to feel ashamed for it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Were that it so easy to banish from mine troubled thoughts,” he says this as if he’s exhausted with himself, “that, and…” he gestures a little vaguely, causing her to squint at him in confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And…?” When he doesn’t answer her, she pouts. “I know you haven’t told him yet, otherwise we wouldn’t be having this talk.” That concerned look comes back to Urianger as he turns his wide eyes to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I do not intend to make it a reality.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No?” Her brow creases. “Whyever not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He raises his own incredulous brow at her and nods in the direction where Thancred sit at the bar. “Most everyone hath specific qualities to their liking in a partner, and not everyone fits those qualities.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia crinkles her nose at him, pursing her lips. “That’s a funny way of saying you don’t think you’re his </span>
  <em>
    <span>type</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Tis exactly as I said,” he grunts as he gently dislodges his hand from hers to reach across her and procure the last bottle of unopened wine between them. She sighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Truly?” Her ears flick in mild irritation as he ignores her and retrieves the corkscrew and begins twisting the cork from the bottle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When Moenbryda still lived, I couldst not fathom what she saw in me,” he sets the cork and the screw aside and pours himself another glass. Somehow his mannerisms reflected as though he still wore his cowl and goggles, like U’luxia wasn’t staring a hole right through his face at every given moment. “Yet she was the first to attempt to pry me from mine studies, out of wont for companionship. Even now, I find myself still clueless to what piqued her interest so. 'Tis not as if I am of the description of a 'social butterfly' as one would call it. Despite this, however, I try to...follow her example of reaching out to others.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But you love talking, and teaching." She frowns. "You're always the first to want to tell stories or impart knowledge of history and the stars."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At this, he gives her a lopsided, wry smile as he brings his glass up to his lips. "For those that beareth an interest in such lessons, and to hear from mine lips rather than another."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U'luxia frowns even more. "I...suppose, but...you must know that your words are still valued, yes?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Aye, I am aware. 'Tis simply a challenging thing to overcome, when I hath been so accustomed to limiting mine presence to the shadows. In her memory, I will thus continue to combat mine own self-made obstacles so that I may isolate myself no longer."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come here,” U’luxia says as she gently pries one of his hands off his glass again to wrap it in her much smaller hands once more. The two sit close against each other, and her tail whips and curls around the back of him on the cool stone of the stair they sat on. It was a common gesture that she did, sometimes without realizing it, when wanting to be close to a friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It worked on me, didn’t it?” She offers him a smile, and he weakly returns it. “And it worked on Thancred. Granted, he’s a little more withdrawn now with everything that’s happened, but...he’s still Thancred.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If thou art referring to his constant presence in mine orbit, it is simply out of necessity to guide Ryne in her journey as Oracle.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re—” She huffs loudly, ears flattened. “You’re impossible. And stubborn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As a fellow scholar of the two titles, I hath assumed thee would already be aware of how such conversations would play out.” He sounds far too pleased with himself for that response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“First you take off that ridiculous sack of a robe, now you’re drinking wine and snarking at your friend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One wouldst wonder. And in retrospect, thou shouldst take thine own advice and mayhaps seek out our dear Y’shtola and lay thine heart bare for her as thou suggests so intensely.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia’s face flares hot immediately at the callout, the fur on her tail bristling in her chagrin. “You—! That’s not fair!” She lightly shoves him and it doesn’t wipe the smile off his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thou art intent on prying mine heart open rather than offering another dancing lesson?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re terrible. Absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrible</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Maybe you </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> put that cowl back on and go back to your books.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Urianger truly laughs and smiles just a little wider, it perks U’luxia up almost immediately and her face lights up, taking it as a success that he hasn’t succumbed to his wallowing entirely. Maybe it really was just the alcohol loosening him up a bit, but it wasn’t often that they picked on each other like this, if not ever—that usually fell into Thancred’s territory when it came to playful bickering. There was a mutual respect and care they held that was unique to the two of them, much like the individual relationships U’luxia has with Y’shtola, the twins, and Lyse. No, what was between U’luxia and Thancred was also unique on its own. The frequent ribbing and sometimes wrestling they did was not unlike that of two irritable siblings that would not hesitate to lay down their lives for each other, but also threaten to poison the others’ tea if one ate their sibling’s remaining leftover slice of pie that was being saved for another day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wondered, as something carefully placed itself in her mind: she had been witness to the banter between Thancred and Urianger multiple times. Thancred had become an expert at keeping how he truly felt at bay, now, but she was never blind to the way his shoulders would ease when in the elezen’s presence. The way he acted as though Urianger’s lectures were exhausting and boring, but seemed to have retained every bit of information that was uttered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The one time, at the Bookman’s Shelves, she caught Thancred staring at Urianger’s back from a distance with a strange intensity that she—at the time—did not have the mental energy to properly digest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wondered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I truly so beguiling?” Urianger’s entertained voice knocks her from her thoughts. She blinks rapidly, coming back into reality.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes you are,” she retorts, “which is why you’re a bloody fool to think that Thancred wouldn’t show similar interest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Urianger exhales, his amusement leaving with breath. “Luxia,” his voice sounds like a gentle chide, something of tired disappointment, “Thancred would not pursue me. Nor am I interested in attempting to cross such a precarious bridge. I am content with us as is, and I enjoy his company all the same.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia looks like she wants to say something else, but Urianger stops her by threading his fingers with her smaller ones and holding her hand firmly. His eyes are lamenting, but he no longer looks to be carrying that weight he had at the start of their conversation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Full glad am I that thou art here, with me. As I stated, thou hath a kind heart, one I am undeserving of, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span>—” he squeezes her hand to keep her from interrupting him, and she frowns, “I am ever, and always, grateful of thy presence and soothing words. Fully do I understand that thou hath an unshakeable loyalty to those thou careth for, however there art situations that do not necessarily need thine interjection.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It takes less than a few seconds for him to process his statement and clicks his tongue when it catches up with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...I am also not blind to the irony in mine statement, thou needst not remind me.” He says before he takes a decent swig from his glass. He goes silent for a few moments, probably to let the alcohol settle in his belly and swim through his mind as he closes his eyes for the time being.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just—” U’luxia speaks up, quieter than she was before. She turns her gaze to their joined hands and brushes a thumb over the elezen’s knuckles. “You really don’t give yourself enough credit. It’s so easy for you to be swept up in your own thoughts and I don’t like seeing you so solemn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do I still give thee such an impression?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A little...I can tell you feel a bit better, but you’re still holding an ache I can’t reach.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a beat of silence from both of them. When U’luxia turns her gaze upwards again, the look on his face reflects her observation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can do little else but offer thee mine apologies,” he does sound regretful. Something else she notices that clings to his voice and words like tar. “I do not wish for thee to fret. At most, I can assure thee that all will be well, in time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiles at that, more to herself than anything. “I know. I just need faith, and all that.” He chuckles warmly, a rumbling sound in his throat, and it spreads a similar warmth in her chest all over again. His mood does seem to have lifted considerably from when she first found him, so she chooses to take that as a good sign.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Moen wouldn't want you to lament her for so long that you couldn't find happiness in another,</span>
  </em>
  <span> U'luxia wants to say out loud, and she nearly does, but she manages to bite back the words. If only to keep Urianger looking just a little lighter than before, and bringing up their late friend again would only lower his spirits.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A comfortable silence settles over the two of them then, as they sit close and continue to watch the party from afar. Eventually, U'luxia can finally feel all the alcohol she consumed earlier catching up to her, and she finds herself spacing out in the silence. It doesn't take long, however, for her mind to sputter and come back online at the slight movement of Urianger shifting. When her eyes refocus, she can see Thancred staring directly at them from his seat at the bar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The panic at realizing they may have been caught causes her tail to bristle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite the distance they were from each other, she can see Thancred fix the two of them with a look that she can’t quite read at this range, and he leans over to one of the women to say something. A moment later and Thancred is moving from his seat at the bar and—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>—makes his way for the stairs that lead directly towards them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” she says lamely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Indeed.” Urianger agrees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What—do we do about that—?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Unless thou hath confessed all our secrets with a single look, there is naught to be concerned with.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia’s still slightly drunken half of her mind speaks first. “They do say eyes are the windows to the soul—and they’re the most expressive—“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am inclined to advise thee that thine most astute observations aid us very little at this current point in time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I take back everything I said earlier, I can’t stand you—“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, this is quite the sight!” Before the two of them can recover, Thancred is already upon them. Much like themselves, his face is also a little flushed from the alcohol he had been drinking, only he’s wearing a smile that reflects his mood rather than theirs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, we can’t have a few drinks alone?” U’luxia retorts somewhat pathetically, caught off guard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Drinking alone is never a good thing, although I can’t say I was expecting you, of all people, to partake.” Thancred gestures to Urianger, who rests his chin in his palm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There art many a thing that thou dost not know of me.” At that, U’luxia sees something change in Thancred’s expression, but her mind is too muddled to read it. “However thou dost know that such rambunctious activities hath never been of mine interest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds to me like you’re simply too embarrassed to dance,” Thancred grins and folds his arms. He looks so much like himself from years past that she almost forgets about what he’s gone through. “Which reminds me—Lucy, there are two lovely ladies over yonder who are particularly interested in the famous Warrior of Darkness. I did you the grand favor of boasting about your waltzing skills.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia blinks. It takes her a moment to process this. She genuinely believes he’s joking at first. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>what.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all turn their gazes to the women at the bar, and as soon as U’luxia makes eye contact with them, the two girls turn away quickly and giggle. They turn back for a moment to shyly wave at her. U’luxia doesn’t know if she wants to throttle Thancred or thank him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>what you were—“ she gasps and claps a hand over her mouth. Too late. Thancred is smiling like a mischievous cat, and she knows Urianger most likely has a poker face for this exchange but now she can </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> the anxiety radiating off of the elezen like an Allagan battery.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Indeed it was,” he says, and at that U’luxia is absolutely certain that he had planned this and knew exactly what he was doing. “Will you leave them hanging, now, after all my hard work talking up your image?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to kill you in your sleep.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d like to see you try.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She curses her eyesight to be able to focus enough to see the elezen woman bite her lip and the miqo’te winks at her. She wants to combust where she sits.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Damn him. Gods damn him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a very loud and very petulant huff, she begrudgingly dislodges her fingers from Urianger’s as she stands, but not without turning around to give him the most apologetic look she can muster, and thankfully he seems to understand her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just one look, huh?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t let Thancred drink the rest of that bottle, lest he subject </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> to another one of his imbecilic schemes.” She says, and Urianger fixes her with a smile that soothes a grand amount of tension in her nerves. She can’t express how much she enjoys seeing his face bare.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fortunately I am already familiar with his colorful stratagem.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And here I thought my efforts would be appreciated.” Thancred shakes his head in mock offense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your efforts are appreciated on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>battlefield</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” U’luxia releases Urianger’s hand finally and turns to walk towards the bar, but not before she punches Thancred hard on the shoulder. He exclaims from the contact but it’s only to laugh afterwards. She gestures to her eyes and then to him, and turns her back to head off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The men are still within earshot as she walks away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was easier than expected.” Oh she was so mad at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, and here I imagined this would be yet another night thee expands thine list of nameless bedmates.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wound me. They all have names, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dost thou remember them as such?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shall I refresh thine memory?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh dear. Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>dear </span>
  </em>
  <span>she can hear the amusement dripping from Urianger’s voice and it spurs her to walk faster, cursing her sharp hearing. Only until she re-enters the Wandering Stairs do their voices drown out in the middle of the crowd, and she spies the girls at the bar watching her with big, excited smiles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighs heavily to herself. She is absolutely going to disappoint these poor women. Oh well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tomorrow she can think about punching Thancred again for his meddling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~*~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next day goes about as expected after a long night of festivities. Attempting to fend off a hangover as well as the weight of everything else catching up in a rush. When U’luxia wakes, she can’t describe how she feels. When she opens the windows of her room at the Pendants and looks outside, when she turns back to her room and finds it empty. She finds her hand over her heart without really knowing it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ardbert?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s no response, which is to be expected. However, there’s an almost overwhelming feeling that spreads through her chest. It…makes her feel whole. Like a gaping hole inside of her has been filled, and it’s not unlike love.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she’s poured herself some coffee, she decides to step outside rather than stay holed up in her room. Her bare feet touch the cool of the stone floors and she shifts her shoulders, shaking off the goosebumps from the chill.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Surprisingly, she spots Thancred leaning over the railing just on the other side of the gap that separates their rooms. She hums to herself in curiosity, and makes her way around the path that leads to the rooms on the other side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thancred is also barefoot and seems to be wearing his typical black undershirt with loose lounge pants. She usually sees him geared up and ready to leave, a habit born from the necessity to constantly be moving lest Ran’jit catch him and Ryne. Seeing him like this is almost comforting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she approaches she can see that he looks lost in thought, and it disappears rather quickly when he spots her walking towards him. He tips his head in acknowledgement and she raises her mug to him in return.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning,” he greets, “I’m surprised to see you up so early. Thought you’d oversleep a little today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could say the same for you,” she raises a brow at him and rests her forearms on the rails next to him. “Did you sober up too quickly to woo another pretty lady?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s actually surprised to see Thancred grimace slightly at her words, rubbing his chin heavily in thought and staring forward.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thancred?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah. Not exactly. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought to indulge in a little more revelry myself last night. That is, until Urianger began listing all the names of all my drunken conquests.” U’luxia’s brows shoot up. She most certainly heard the beginning of that last night. “I ended up drinking water. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Water.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia can’t help but guffaw at that, earning a pout from Thancred that makes him look several years younger. “Well, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell him to not let you have any more alcohol.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He just cocks his head. “It certainly worked in your favor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The miqo’te squints her eyes at him. “...you don’t seem particularly pleased about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She watches him tense. He looks like he wants to say something, but isn’t quite sure how to say it. His whole demeanor has changed since last night, and she finds herself deeply missing his cheery aura, even if it was only made shown with the assistance of quite a good sum of alcohol. But it isn’t as if she’s any one to talk. She’s in the same predicament, so she can’t pick at him for it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he doesn’t answer her, she leans in further to get a better look at his face and he leans back from her. At this angle he looks more worried than irritated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did something happen?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” he rubs his neck, not looking at her. “In a sense.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like what sort of sense?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I...am not sure I’m at liberty to say—“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Thancred.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All right, all right, no need to harass me so early in the morning.” He glances around the two of them, looks behind to make sure all of the doors to the rooms are shut. When he seems satisfied that there are no others around them, he sighs heavily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t lie that, last night, I did have ulterior motives for sending you away—“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> it—“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“—</span>
  <em>
    <span>And</span>
  </em>
  <span> I had intended to speak with Urianger alone. I’m not sure what spurred me into action. Mayhap it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> the drink that gave me some sort of incentive to actually approach him, but whatever it was, I chose to act upon it before the impulse left me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A mixture of feelings suddenly prickle inside U’luxia and she can’t figure out if she feels giddy, panicked or concerned. She has an inkling she knows what he’s about to tell her, but being left to guess makes her ears twitch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So. We talked. I don’t remember for how long, but eventually we left to continue our conversation away from potential wandering eyes and ears. It had been quite some time since we were afforded a moment alone together to discuss anything that didn’t involve work.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It looks as if Thancred hit a verbal block in his explanation. He fidgets one hand, chews on his lip, trying to find the right words. U’luxia’s tail swishes behind her in anticipation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He confessed to me. Told me he loved me.” U’luxia feels like she got struck by lightning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thancred looks more conflicted than he does happy, and it assaults U’luxia’s mind with thoughts of </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh gods, what did Thancred say to him?</span>
  </em>
  <span> And </span>
  <em>
    <span>is Urianger all right?</span>
  </em>
  <span> What if the whole thing went wrong? What if she actually misread Thancred’s interactions with him?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...that’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Her brow creases, clutches her mug. “You sound...disappointed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's not it, I assure you. I simply…" he runs a hand through his snow white hair, exhaling. "Lucy, I have not courted a single individual in </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span>, much less take them to bed. I've barely had the time to sort my own thoughts."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did the conversation go that badly?" She asks him worriedly, a cold dread creeping into her heart. Before he can get a word out her mind races and she cannot fathom how Urianger must be feeling, wherever he is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No! No, no. Gods, you look like a bowstring ready to snap—everything is quite all right." He raises his hands in defense to calm her down. "...at least I hope so." It has the opposite effect.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What—what is </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> supposed to mean?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Lucy—" Thancred sighs in exasperation, rubs his knuckles against his forehead. "I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> him."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If Thancred had wished to punch her in the jaw, he could have simply done it the traditional way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stares at him, stunned. Their conversation thus far has been spent being concerned for Urianger, and now she has to reel it back in to—replace it with relief? Because Thancred reciprocates his feelings? </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s too bloody early for this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thinks. After a half a minute of trying to reconnect her thoughts, she shakes her head. “That’s—that’s great then, isn’t it? That the two of you feel the same?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He raises his brows at her, and one corner of his lips begins to curl up. She senses he’s amused by her response in some way, but she can’t fathom why. It only infuriates her more that he says nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you going to say anything or just continue to gawp?” She snips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, well,” he huffs a small laugh, “you have a way of reminding me that some of my worries are unnecessary.” When she squints at him again in suspicion, he exhales and shakes his head. “Listen, you know as well as I do how difficult this sort of thing is in our line of work. Losing the one you loved most, and the countless times you think you won’t see one of your friends return safely from their travels.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looks down at the swirling coffee growing cold in her mug. A momentary silence fills the air, and she knows that he speaks primarily of Y’shtola. Her mind wanders to the others they’ve lost, and she can’t find it in her to disagree. The work they do is perilous and as they are all too familiar with, no one ever knows if their next day will be their last. With thoughts like that, why get close to anyone at all? Why bother?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knows why. The words that have clung to her mind ever since that moment she was bent over one of her closest comrades, his silvery hair shining in the cruel sunlight, clutching his hand tightly to her chest as he called her a hero whilst she wept deeply and he breathed his last breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>For those we have lost. For those we can yet save.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It repeats in her mind like a mantra, every single day, now. The words may as well be tattooed across her arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In that case...would you rather lose a lover, knowing that despite everything they knew you loved them? Or would you rather spend the rest of your life wishing you had told them everything, with a hole in your heart as the reward?” When she looks back up at him, Thancred looks like he had been slapped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mouth opens and closes like a fish, and his eyes avert downward, away from her prying ones. She almost feels bad. Almost.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well...neither, preferably.” He chuckles quietly, solemnly. “But...the former has shown its benefits.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She offers him a small smile. “And how’s that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shifts his jaw, glancing to his side, to the door to his room. “I’m not sure I could put it into words, really.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She raises her brows again. “Truly?” All too quickly, her mind jumps to one specific conclusion as she followed his gaze to the door. Had they done more than simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span>—? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes widened and she whipped around to gape at him. “Did you—?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He raises a hand instantly, looking like he wants to laugh his head off at her reaction. “Now, now, I know </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly</span>
  </em>
  <span> what you’re thinking and I can promise you that we did nothing more than </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll understand if I find it hard to believe you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You will lay roses at Urianger’s feet and yet offer me nothing but cruelty. I see where your loyalties lie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shifts her hand to punch him on the shoulder, and he reacts instantly, reaching a hand out to roughly tousle her hair. She growls and smacks his hand away, miraculously not spilling any of her coffee. Not that it matters, now, having lost all its heat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The atmosphere between them shifts, and instead of the faint buzzing of tension in the air, their shoulders relax and they breathe easier. Thancred no longer has a crease in his brow, and his face reflects thoughts that are far away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” his voice is quieter than before, a low tone that he uses when he’s about to tell her a secret that he knows only she can keep, “I don’t ever think I’ve woken up with someone in my arms that made me feel...whole? Like a part of myself had been missing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U’luxia smiles at him, her tail sways gently behind her. “He said you were the sun in his sky, you know.” She takes a sip from her drink finally, only barely hiding a scowl from how awful it tastes now that it’s cold. “What was it he said—something about...ah, I remember now. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>When the moon was torn from mine night sky, I had forgotten to look for the rising sun, and when I felt its warmth I yearned for its embrace each day.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stares blankly at her. She stares back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Something like that.” She says. He dips his head and rubs at his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gods above.” He groans. He looks very out of his element and it causes her to giggle. He levels her with a glare that doesn’t have any real bite behind it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you were supposed to be a master at sweet talking others.” She pokes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve spent the last several years running for my life and looking after Ryne.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know,” U’luxia waves a hand. “I’m simply happy for you. I did tell Urianger last night that I had thought the two of you were already together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That easy to tell, was it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You two do not hide your glances very well,” she bumps shoulders with him and he grumbles to himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Everything is truly all right, then? No tears, no hearts broken?" She fidgets with the handle on her mug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"None of the sort, no." When he leans forward onto the railing again he presses back, shoulder to shoulder and gives her a reassuring smile. She returns it easily. "I don't know exactly what you both discussed in detail last night, but whatever it was, I...well. Thank you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't really think I did anything, but...all the same. You're welcome."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With nothing left to really say, they settle into a comfortable silence for some time. U'luxia laments her coffee despite there being half a pot left in her room. They don't speak much else unless it's about specific things they remember from the night before. Such as the embarrassment of having to turn away the two very attractive women Thancred had so cruelly set up with her without knowing of the consequences, and of Urianger also delivering an equal amount of embarrassment to Thancred by counting all of his former lovers. By </span>
  <em>
    <span>name</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because of course, </span>
  <em>
    <span>any</span>
  </em>
  <span> of your colleagues would just know this sort of thing, right? Completely normal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>U'luxia has no idea how they did it. Well, she has some idea, but given how poorly they hide it, she would have thought it to be sorted out already. Fortunately it was no longer a thing of concern.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"As much as I love to make fun of you, I don't think it would leave a good impression to have him wake to an empty bed." U'luxia comments, eyeing the daylight that continues to creep in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ah...fair point." Thancred sighs and stands up straight. "I assume we shall be meeting up with the Exarch soon enough."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Indeed. So get back to bed before my </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard work</span>
  </em>
  <span> goes to waste."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thancred snorts, doesn't leave without messing up her hair again to her irritation. When his door clicks behind him, she stands alone with her cold coffee mug in her hands, the chill clinging to her fingers and to her feet off of the stone of the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As cold as it was, it was completely unnoticeable given how strongly the feeling in her chest spread throughout her body and filled her with joy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the back of her mind, she imagines a ghost standing next to her, and that the love she felt is a result of the former Warrior of Darkness completing her soul.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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